|
.
By Mary O'Connor and Timothy Saasta
Many adopted parents would have been amazed
by our daughter's third birthday party. In addition to Sahara's
friends, god cousins, grandparents and aunt, there were several
members of her birth family: her birth mother, three aunts, one
uncle, a cousin and her other grandpa. And everyone had a great
time! We had a great time because our daughter has always known
her birth mother, even though she came home with us the day after
she was born. And our family has known most members of her maternal
birth family for at least the last two years. Having a relationship
with our daughter's birth family has been wonderful for many reasons,
including:
We do not fear some unknown birth mother
who may appear on our door step at any time. Instead, we like our
daughter's birth mother and family and enjoy spending time with
them.
Our daughter's birth mother
does not worry about what happened to her child after the adoption.
Instead, as she has told us many times, she is proud of Sahara,
and though placing her for adoption was the most difficult experience
of her life, she also feels it was one of the best decisions she
has ever made. Our daughter has no mysteries around her birth family.
It's not confusing for her to have a birth mother and a mother because
we are both in her life as real individuals. And having more than
one grandpa, aunt, cousin, etc., is normal for most people. Sahara
also has a connection with her Ethiopian/Eritrean heritage, which
in addition to her African American and European-American heritages
and experiences, are a part of who she is.
It has been fun and useful for all of us
to see the genetic and environmental influences we bring to our
child. And as we have all become more familiar with each other,
it has been surprising to see how many interests and talents within
the families overlap. These connections did not develop miraculously
overnight. Time, commitment, and an open minded attitude from all
of us have made this situation work out very well. We feel great
joy in knowing that our daughter is surrounded by so much love.
|
